The weather is grey and rainy. Our house is a mess – doing bathroom and yard renovations. It is dusty and noisy. There is stuff cluttered everywhere. The construction workers are in and out.
I like cleanliness and neatness.
Our puppy got fixed 2 weeks ago. Poor thing was dealing with a cone for over a week. She was surprised why we wouldn’t play with her. It was torturous to watch her struggle and keep her calm.
Business is exploding, and it is an exhilarating feeling. There is so much and exciting work to be done. Teaching, networking, submitting proposals, preparing presentations, learning new things, developing new strategies, executing on existing ones.
All is going beyond great. I could not be more grateful where my life is right now.
However, the past couple of weeks have been intense. Really intense. Really demanding. In every aspect of life. I am that person who can go, go, go. And I am a master of pushing. I am a student of letting go and flowing in life.
I could feel myself slipping. Slipping into my old self of overwhelmed. Working way too much. Sleeping not enough. Craving crap. Missing quality time. Falling off my self-care routine. Losing connection with me. Getting on that hamster wheel of auto repeat. Uh!
What is different this time is the awareness –
this does not feel good.
My body is stiff, achy. My mind is easily distracted. My focus and productivity are significantly reduced. I am scattered. I am not effective. I don’t feel vibrant. I feel run down. I don’t feel like I am flowing with life. I feel like I am pushing life.
Oh! How I could recognize my old patterns. My ego was, of course, there to chime in and cheer me to running myself down.
My awareness was at its peak. What are you doing, Maria?!?
In a short window scheduled for work, I lied down on the floor and took a few really deep breaths. I surrendered my body on the floor and quieted my mind.
I needed this tiny little break so badly. I could feel my body melting away. I could feel the heaviness of my head dissipate. The tears were bubbling up. It was a beautiful release of tension. I lied down for a few minutes, grounded and inner-connected.
When I sat up, I grabbed my journal, and without thinking much, this is some of what I wrote:
“I let go. I let go of ego. I let go of expectations. I let go of wish-lists. I let go of what I think should happen. I tune in. I listen. I accept everything happening around me each and every moment. I live in the here. I live in the now. I am safe. I am grateful. I am enough.”
Then I got on the reformer and moved. For maybe 20 minutes. Completely connected. Very intentional. Combining movement, mind, breath. Purposefully lengthening tight muscles.
My afternoon had a completely different feel. It was amazing, uplifting and flowy. The hours were filled with connection, clarity and calm. I went for a re-energizing, short run followed by a walk with the dog.
I spend max 30 minutes on myself in the afternoon. That brought to me so much tranquility. Peace. Clarity. The stiffness let go. My breaths resumed depth. I felt good, really good.
As I know many are struggling these days with isolation, fear, overwhelm, I invite you and remind you to spend those few minutes on intentional self-care. Ground yourself in the moment, in the here, in the now. Move your body. Clear your mind. It is like a magic wand that graces your life.
Flow and enjoy the now, my rebel!